...

Being thinking too much is not a good phenomenon...
If everything goes as we have expected, then we'll always have enough time after, and we can finally worry nothing. That's such a positive and pleasent thinking. Maybe that's the only motivation for me to go through these days, months lately. However, this motivation is getting weaker and weaker, seems like it's fading away day by day. 'What if it doesn't go as I expected?' There are always so many variables all the time, no need to mention how many variables there will be within serveral months. My confidence is getting fewer and fewer with my expextation. Maybe it's just like my friend said, 'Less expectation, less disappointment'. Whenever it seems like I'm talking to myself, I told myself to pray and leave everything to God who always has the best plan for me. There's always a reason for something, and there's always no reason for something, I'm not the one who can control everything and everyone.
If things don't go as we expect, maybe last time was the really the last time. I can still remember every scene, contact and converstion between us clearly. That's such a woeful thought.
Well, life is full of mysteries, if you take out the mystery, you take out hope. Yeah.. probably. So, I wish my life is full of hope, I wish and I pray.

100 days

Today is thanks giving, but it's also the 100th day after my grandma died.
Feels like it happened so long ago. 100 days is about 3 months and one week.
I havn't heard grandma's voice for such long.
Last night, when I was viewing the photos I took by my cell phone, I acccidently saw the pics I took of my grandma wearging my new sun glasses in the hospital this summer. I didn't remember taking those pictures, so I was kind of shocked when I saw those pictures. She looked so different than the picture I took with her last summer on my birthday.
I still try to believe that she's still around me and can see what I'm doing. the only difference is that I can't see her. So I'm always doing my best for her.
I miss you.

Is Santa Coming soon?

I finally finished all the assignments that I should hand in before the Christmas break. Feel so relaxant~ I guess it's the first weekend that I don't have to do anything and just lie in bed thinking what should I do for this weekend after I came here. There's still one study week after next week, I think I'll try to finish another assignment which has to be handed in after Christmas break so that I can enjoy my Christmas break.
Feel so guilty of doing nothing during the weekend. I was trying to keep myself busy. Went to the library to preview the books about next module, did all my laundry. I could go skating, but it's too cold outside even though there's still no snow at all. And I'm just soooo lazy. I could go swimming, but my ears always got inflamed after I went swimming, my ears still hurt now. I guess they don't like the swimming pool here.
Oh... Christmas break... such a nice motivation....
Santa~ Can I ask for a Christmas present from you?

Professor David Crouch- my dissertation tutor

David
Today is the last day for this module. Normally we don't have classes on Saturdays.
However, for some reason, we had an extra class this morning.
This teacher is the 'Hu teacher" who I've talked about before.
He's a really hard working teacher and nice to students, however, becuase of that, students in my class didn't respect him during classes.
People brought their laptop to classes and chatted on Internet and typed loudly while the teacher was teaching. They asked their friends to come to our classroom to interrupt the classes, etc. Mostly, onlt half people went to the classes and only 1 to 3 students who're listening. I indeed paid 100% attention at his class because when I saw him, I don't know why, I just felt that my tears were coming out. Such a good teacher's teaching but students were trying to hurt his heart. I think maybe becuase of his years of teaching experience, he knows every kinds of students well and maybe is already disappointed but he still works hardly even though there's only one student's listening.
At the end of yesterday's class, I asked him something about the draft of my assignment realted to what he's talked about during the classes. He was so happy that I had been listening. Actually, he was so happy that there's at least somebody who's listening. He even said 'thank you' to me. This is wrong... this is wrong... we students who are the ones who have to say thank you to the teachers.
People may think that I'm old fasion thought, but when my friends who don't go to these classes at all, I felt sorry for them and I also pray for them that God will let them know what they really want. I admit that one of the reason I study so hard and go to every class is that I don't want to waste my parents' money and I don't want to disappoint them, but when I'm a student, I have the responsibility to be a good student. I now really think that I should just do my best for everything and then let God to make the plan and decision for me which He thinks that is the best for me, but the key point is that I have to try my best for everything.
Anyway, I asked David that if he can be my tutor even though I don't have to decide it until January, but I really like this professor, he's the best teacher I have had here so far. I'm not sure if I'll be able to see him again if I'm not going to stay here to do my dissertation next year, I hope I will. and I think that he's happy that I'd like to take a picture with him. He said that I can put this picture on the cover of my dissertation. ha.

That's my cute Taiwanese friends~ hurray for them~  

you guys are really..... interesting.... 

which made me laugh to death.... 

They took these silly pics there 

I was abandoned..... 

For a one week trip without me 

They went to NY last month 

My silly Taiwanese best friends 

I'm stubborn, but I'm also irresolute

Sometimes, I just hate to make up my mind. Maybe I should use the term 'afraid of' instead of 'hate'. Once I made up my mind, I regreted... But sometimes I think I'm really stubborn and insist on some certain things. Even myself couldn't stand how stubborn I am. It's time to have some changes now...
Anyway, I'm having a new module this week, and it seems that we should make up my mind to decide what I want to research for my MA dissertation. There're several areas that I'm interested in. The ones I really want to do are about costs or profits... well.. the numeral thing. Not only becuase that I'm really interested in these but I also want to make good use of what I have learnt in college in Taiwan. And since I want to work in the financial department of a hotel, then that's another reason.
Having been studying those numral things for years makes me always looking for 'fact'. But what I'm really learning now if more like critically analyze 'information'. Or study human beings. Master of Art, which is I'm studying for now. Art....I don't take art (resource: Movie, She's all that)... Hmm... I'd like to think out of the box, not always searching for the 'fact', but... I guess I really need time to practice this...
Seems like I should do the research base on 'human thoughts or feelings' not the costs or profits thing which I reallt want to do... hmm.... hard to make up my mind again...
Bt the way, the tutor of this module has serious asthma. He breaths so loudly and seems like he's going to faint after every single sentence..."Good morning (huu~) Students (huu), I'm your (HUUUUUU) tutor for (hu) this class(HHHHu)" Some of the students just burst out laughing. One of the classmates told me that she felt like she's going to stop breathing with him after having his class for the whole day. To me, it's okay since I could absolutly understand how badly it feels when you have asthma. But it suprised me that he still smokes a lot...
I just read some chapters of 2 Kings and 1 Corintians of the Bible since I had something need to calm down and think about. Then suddenly what I read reminded me a song my teacher in high school had taught me. I kept singing that and then I indeed felt better. I'm looking forward to the coming of Thursday which is my Bible study day every week. I like going to the pastor's house not only becuase the pastor and his wife have a cute dog but also that it always make me feel so peaceful and forget what I'm worried about. And I also made some friends who're really different than my other Taiwanese friends here.
But... I still don't feel like doing/thinking about the topic of the dissertation now. The Huu tutor asked us to at least give him our aim and objectives and read 3 references and write brief descriptions tomorrow... No idea now, no motivation now... All I think is the Christmas break... I always like to travel or take a vacation. It seems like I've been traveling a lot this year even when I was in Taiwan. But it feels like I haven't been outside and traveled for a long time. I need leisure activities. I need my winter vacation....
Maybe I should just go to bed earlier tonight and see if I can dream some ideas about my dissertation tonight and quickly write the aim and objectives thing tommorrow morning before the class starts.... sounds a good idea...

曖昧

只能陪你到這裡　畢竟有些事不可以
超過了友情　還不到愛情
遠方就要下雨的風景

到底該不該哭泣　想太多是我還是你
我很不服氣　也開始懷疑
眼前的人　是不是同一個真實的你

曖昧讓人受盡委屈
找不到相愛的證據
何時該前進　何時該放棄
連擁抱都沒有勇氣

曖昧讓人變得貪心
直到等待失去意義
無奈我和你　寫不出結局
放遺憾的美麗　停在這裡
***************************
聽著楊丞琳的曖昧 讓我想起不少回憶
人生中的第一次曖昧的確有被傷到的感覺
這首歌把曖昧寫的很悲觀 但卻寫的很真實
最近的一次曖昧 現在回憶起來反而是甜美的
話不講明反而是件好事 有一種朦朧美的感覺
曖昧應該是很甜滋滋在心頭的感覺吧
只是久了 就倦了 人也是貪心的 總想再期望些什麼
但是我還是覺得 曖昧是最甜蜜的時期

Bagel

History
The bagel originated in Central Europe, probably in Poland. A 1610 document from Krakow mentions "beygls" given as a gift to women in childbirth. This is often cited as the earliest known reference to the bagel, but the document is not clear what a "beygl" is. It may be what is now known as a bagel, it may be something related to the word for stirrup (beugal), or it may refer to something else whose meaning is lost.
An often repeated story says that the bagel originated in 1683, when a baker from Vienna created them as a gift for King Jan Sobieski of Poland to commemorate the King's victory over the Turks that year. The baked good was fashioned in the form of a stirrup to commemorate the victorious cavalry charge. That the name bagel originated from beugal (stirrup) is considered plausible by many, both from the similarities of the word and due to the fact that traditional handmade bagels are not perfectly circular but rather slightly stirrup-shaped. (This fact, however, may be due to the way the boiled bagels are pressed together on the baking sheet before baking.) More prosaically, the name bagel may simply originate from the Yiddish word "bügel" or the German word "bügel", meaning bale or bow, sometimes used to refer to a round loaf of bread (see Gugelhupf for a German cake with a similar ring shape).
Immigrants in the 1880s brought the bagel to New York City, where it continues to flourish. Until the 1920s, bagels were rare in other parts of the United States other than a few cities with large Eastern European Jewish populations. The bagel came into more general use throughout North America in the last quarter of the 20th century. Specialized devices have even been invented to allow for easy slicing of bagels without "squishing" them (a perceived "danger" when using a knife and hand, although most of these devices actually inflict more harm than hand-slicing).
Bagel types
The two most prominent styles of traditional bagel in North America are the Montreal bagel and the New York bagel. The Montreal bagel contains malt and egg but no salt; it is boiled in honey-sweetened water before baking in a wood oven; and it is predominantly either of the noir/"black seed" (poppy) or blanc/"white seed" (sesame) variety. The New York bagel contains salt and malt, is available in a wider variety of flavors (though Montreal's oldest bagel institution is quickly catching up), and is also boiled prior to baking in a standard oven. The resulting New York bagel is puffy with a noticeable crust, while the Montreal bagel is smaller (though with a larger hole) chewier, and sweeter.
In addition to the plain bagel, variants feature seasoning on the outside, including sesame, garlic, poppy seed, onion, rye and the "everything" bagel, a mixture of all of the above. Other versions which change the dough recipe include cinnamon, raisin, pumpernickel, egg and sourdough. In New York City green bagels made with food coloring are sometimes created for St. Patrick's Day.
In the late 20th century, many variations on the bagel flourished, including those made with different types of doughs, and with new, non-traditional foods and seasonings added to the dough. Breakfast bagels, a rather softer, sweeter variety usually sold in fruity or sweet flavors (e.g. cherry, strawberry, blueberry, cinnamon-raisin, chocolate chip) are commonly sold by large supermarket chains; these are usually sold pre-sliced and are intended to be prepared in a toaster.
A recent addition to New York City bagel stores are "flagels," a flat bagel sprinkled with usual bagel toppings, which is favored by low-carb dieters.
Bagel chips are a snack food variant on the bagel.
(Reference: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bagel)

Bagel Chen

History

Bagel Chen was born on 8th of June in 2003 and was adopted by the Chen family on 4th of July in the same year. When the Chen family was confused by what she should be named, Mrs. Chen tried out calling her by several names. When the term 'bagel!' came out, she finally looked at the Chen family. The name was decided!
Bagel grew bigger and bigger day by day, by day, by day with amazing speed. She was 2.6 kg when she's one month old and 21.3 kg when she's six month old.
She has been traveling a lot with the Chen family compared to the family's previous dogs. She has been to Hau Lien and was hidden in a big because she was not allowed to be in the hotel. She has been the the beach and practiced swimming. She has made several friends at different Dog's restaurants.
Her status in the Chen family is quite high, higher than Mr. Chen. Even though she's not allowed to sleep or play in bed, yet she always stare at you with her sincere eyes when you're yelling at her. Oh~coming, no one would bear to hurt her when she's rolling her poor eyes at you.
She had caused lot of problems. She ruined the Chen family's expensive leather sofa and made them have to sit on the floor in the living room now. She had broken Mrs. Chen's arm and made her go to the hospital. She bit Miss Chen's fit and had swallowed hundred pairs of the Chen Family's socks, sandles, shoes and tissue papers, batteries, etc.
She's 2 years old now but still acts like a puppy, Miss Chen went back to see her this summer with high expection that Bagel would act more like a lady...well... Miss Chen was disappointed. ... C'est la Bagel....
Types of Bagel Chen
Crazy Bagel Chen... there's only one type- Crazy! When she's not crazy, she's sick!

I'm tired

I'm tired of not being myself.
I'm tired of pretending that I'm very independant while I'm missing my home.
I'm tired of thinking previous memories when I want to look forward.
I'm tired of wanting to look on the bright side of life while I am actually becoming more and more pessimistic.
I'm tired of seeing people here.
I'm tired of pretending nothing has happened while there're indeed problems exist.
I'm tired to remain smiling when I don't feel like to.
I'm tired to start a conversaion when I don't want to.
I'm tired to keep everything in mind.
I'm tired to keep working when I want to just take a break.
I'm even tired of Disney now...

I guess I'm just tired of the endless assignments....
I need a vacation!