When you're just a kid, you do it, just because you like it.

It is always my dream going to Florida, however, I refused a great working opportunity today for some reason. I'm still thinking if I did this right or wrong. It's a risk to refuse it if I won't be able the get the job I want. Sometimes, it's really hard to make big decisions, I had to find some excuses for myself and convinced myself of my own decision. Or I just pray to God that He can help me making the best decision and don't regret. Things were simpler when we're little, you just do what you like. As we're older, as we're learning more, it seems like we'd become blind.

One day, when I was watching a cartoon with my little cousins, I couldn't unstandand what the characters were saying so that I had to look at the subtitles even it's in Chinese. I asked my little cousin, she said she didn't have to look at the subtitle and the characteris were talking pretty clearly. SOmetimes, it seems like when we learn more, we know more, then we actually 'couldn't' see more and hear more.When you're a kid, you do what you like. You don't have to think too much, the outer circumstance does not affect you since you haven't learnt it yet. I believe in Taiwan, when we learn more at school, the limitation of our thought are getting more at the same time.

By the way, there's something happened to my mom and dad today that I thought my dad's response and the way he dealing with the problem showed that he is a pretty good and considerate husband, and I could see the happiness and comfort from my mom.

Orz

9 days of dad being home seemed shorter than I thought it should have been. Before I studied overseas, I was kind of annoyed by my parents even though now, I could still get angry by mom's yelling all the time. I think I'm quite a good temper person, I always think I am. Actually, I should say that it's quite hard to get me showed my anger since I always hide my real feelings or just ignore people. Or maybe I'd just perfer a peaceful life. This time when dad came back, I realized this personality is from my father. There's always such a feeling that my mom likes to defiance my patience. The more anger she could cause me, the more confidence she could built to herself. My dad indeed has better temper than I do. He's incredible! No matter what my mom said, dad could always think to a bright side. My uncle said it's becuase dad doesn't want to cause any trouble or fight with my mom (they rarely does) since he only gets few days with her in months. I believe mom knows how nice dad is too becuase she once said that if I ever got married, I should marry someone like my dad: good education backgound, good temper, no smoking, no drinking. The only thing not as good I could find from my dad is that he's not the kind that people would say 'handsome', but I guess this doesn't really matter to my mom according to her love storied I heard secretly from my aunts and uncles.

Since the respect I have on my dad is getting more, I went to see him off that I never did at the airport when he's leaving to Vietnam this time. My mom was surprised that I was willing to get up at 5am in the morning just for that. I was really upset of dad's leaving this time. I don't know why, I guess I changed and got a different person living inside my body now.

Yes! there's a devil in my body now made me changed. I am not the kind of people who would do their homework at the last minute. No, I was not. I always work hard first and than play. But this time, this time, while I was sad about dad's leaving, I realized I had to hand in a draft to my superviour the next day and I hadn't got it done yet. I delayed my work which was supposed to be done in 2 weeks to two months. This kind of thing shouldn't happen on me. No never! But it did. I pray that the lazy demon would leave me right away. No more hurry school work! No!.

13,23,33

Let me think... If I worked on my dissertation just as frequent as I post on my blog, I would have finished my D work...Forgive me, I have to keep talking about my D work so that I won't forget its existence...

Anyway, I've been talking a lot with my mom lately, convincing her to let me work in the U.S, convincing her to let me bring Bagel to our trip and also to the U.S, convincing her not to get angry from my uncle, etc.

Mom has been so sensitive since my young aunt married to my uncle and got me a new cousin who is 23 years younger than me. I seem more like an aunty Jackie than cousin Jackie now. Oh, once I went to a pet shop with my second youngest cousin, the shop keeper asked me surprisedly if I could afford to have a big dog since I got a kid at home. Well, seems like she guessed I was my cousin's mother. Fine! I'm used to it. Back to the topic, my mom has been so sensitive since then, everything she talks implies that I'm old enough to get married or have babies. However, in some way, I know she's contradictious to her own thoughts as well. Imagine, if I told her I"m getting married now, she'd slap me right away and say how much they've spend on me to get me being successful on my career, then how could I just run away with a guy. I said so since she's warned me a lot of not running away and abandon them. But on the other hand, she wants to be a grandmother! She wants to take care of her grandson when she's still young enough to. Not only her but also my aunts.

Sometimes, I'm glad I don't have any brothers or sisters to be compared to, even though, I still get 9 cousins from my mom's side (To those who don't know, cousins from my dad side are all in the U.S. and I haven't seen them or heard from them for years) Okay, for those 9 cousins, two of them started dating with their opssite sex since their high schools. It might sound normal to some people, but for our family, it's the first case. And both of the two belongs to the same aunt. So for their oldest cousin Jackie, other aunts start putting pressures on her. " I know you're doing pretty well on your school work and your couins lost you in that area, but you know, you're getting old, you should.. you should...." Sometimes, it's really hard to know what they're thinking, and how fast they would change their mind. The same with my mom. Once she said to me that I should bring Bagel with me to the U.S., next second when I asked her if I really could, she replied "Bring your head!" (In Chinese, that's not a very good word) Sigh... I don't understand what are all the mothers thinkings...

Speaking to the babies. I've once read an article said that if you had a dog, it costs you 30,300 USD to take care of your dog for its whole life. And if you got a baby, it costs you 303,030 USD to take care of them until they finish their education in Taiwan. So since I don't want to have any baby, I'm potentially quite richer than other potential mothers now. So, mom, sorry, the only thing you can do now is taking care of Bagel, or taking care or other people's babies. Will I run away? I don't have the answer now since there's still something I have to make sure of and search for. But don't worry, at least it won't happen at least when I'm still hanging around abroad.

Researcher

研究生發病期...請參照說明,以鑑定您身為何期..


潛伏期：不定。
傳染性：無。
感染人數：全台每年約十至十二萬人。
並無性別年紀的區分，只要身份為研究生，通常都會罹病，極少倖免。
關於本症候群，約莫能粗分為三大時期。

第一期：

通常發生於準備開始寫論文時，有以下幾種指標型症狀。
恭喜！你已經進入本症候群的初期狀況！


症狀：

(1) 覺得自己挑的論文題目簡直棒呆了，這麼棒的題目，怎麼沒人發現！？天助我也！

Mooney: That's definitely how I felt about my topic in the beginning!

(2) 覺得自己天縱英才，就算沒能寫出絕世論文，也將撇出矚目佳作。

Mooney: Woah! It must be me.

(3) 作研究回顧時，覺得他人的研究成果不過爾爾，狠狠地痛批別人一頓，快意快意。



(4) 能夠草擬出自認為天衣無縫的研究計畫以及進度表，並能與他人侃侃而談，意氣風發。



第二期：

這一期通常發生於論文開始動筆之後，發病時間很長，還能細分為三個階段，各有不同
茲說明如下：


第一階段：

通常發生在寫大綱後動筆前。

症狀：

(1) 開始瞭解，連寫大綱都不是件容易的事情。


(2) 發現資料居然出奇的難找，開始懷疑有寫出絕世論文的可能，而且懂得為何別人都
沒挑這個題目的原因。

Mooney: Everyone is smart except me.


(3) 發現懂的東西實在太少，終於瞭解「書到用時方恨少」的道理，但是已經徹底來不及了。

Mooney: I was so proud to tell that I'm the BA student of accounting of SCU, now if I said so, no one would believe me!

(4) 根本不敢動筆，「準備不週」的恐懼隨時縈繞心頭，怎麼寫都覺得不對勁，怎麼看都覺得不爽快。
Mooney: The first thing I learned from MA was how to beat yourselve's confidence...

(5) 容易累，容易疲憊，容易想睡。

Mooney: !!!


第二階段：

通常發生在實際動筆之後。

症狀：

(1) 對任何跟論文相關的東西絲毫沒有興趣，但是對於論文以外的東西非常感興趣，通常
會附帶學會第二專長，像是：室內布置、煮咖啡、打毛線、美容、占星、打PSII、唱KTV。

Mooney: Playing with Bagel is my second speciality...

(2) 開始思考一些從來不會思考的問題，像是：「我活著是要幹嘛的？」、「這篇論文的價值在哪裡？」、「我這樣寫會不會被告

Mooney: This question has already bothered me from long time ago...

(3) 開始制訂玩耍計畫，小至下午茶，大至海外旅遊，通通有興趣。

Mooney: No wonder my family is going to have a 2 days trip next week. I should start planning next one to vist my dad too!

(4) 對於「計畫跟不上變化」這句話，不僅認同，簡直是實地體驗。

Mooney: C'est la vie.

(5) 弄不清晝夜晨昏，醒來通常已經是午後，甚至天黑，作息混亂到根本不知道該吃早餐還是午餐。
Mooney: Going to bed early and getting up early are good habits.

(6) 學會快速轉台，甚至能清楚的講出每天電視的節目單。

Mooney: Every Monday night, CSI! Nick and Archie!

(7) 體態有嚴重的改變，可能狂肥，可能狂瘦。

Mooney: The second one would be nice...

(8) 站在鏡子前，會驚訝的發現：有個邋遢的野人在鏡子裡頭瞪著妳看。

Mooney: Always me.

(9) 非常希望一覺醒來，發現自己還沒念研究所，如果能的話，希望把所有東西都丟了。

Mooney: Nightmare everynight.

第三階段：
通常發生在論文繳交期限前一個月。


症狀：

(1) 完全沒退路的狀況下，只好硬著頭皮上，對於能寫出啥子東西，完全沒信心，瞭解「不忍卒睹」的真意。

Mooney: 6000/20000 bullshit so far...

(2) 面對胡言亂語的內容，開始努力說服自己抄襲。

Mooney: The person who invented the Copy and Paste funcations of microsoft is a genius !

(3) 挑戰身體極限的活動逐步出現，像是：「連續30小時不睡覺！」、「挑戰一天打一萬五千字」。

Mooney: I could only bullshit 1000 per day so far...

(4) 開始使用Word裡，「邊界」、「行距」跟「字型大小」的功能，努力擴大篇幅。

Mooney: Another genius... You are my savior...

(5) 抗壓性極低，任何風吹草動都令人抓狂。

Mooney: Don't tease me...

(6) 覺得「能寫完論文」就是一件很了不起的事情了，別想說要寫得多好，寫完就好。

Mooney: Cindy! You're my hero!

(8) 根本不知道外頭天氣為何，伴著你的就是鍵盤跟螢幕。

Mooney: My laptop is my best friend!

(9) 覺得看這本論文的人，全世界加一加大概不會超過五個。

Mooney: I guess there will only be two.


(10) 本來想感謝一堆人的，但是已經沒氣力寫謝辭了。

Mooney: I would say "thanks God"


第三期：
這一期會發生在口試本交出後，等待口試前。


症狀：

(1) 對於交出的東西害怕不已，用便利貼貼住自己覺得有問題的地方，竟然幾乎貼滿整本。

(2) 根本不知道口試會發生啥子事情，驚愕不已，鎮日睡不好。

(3) 忽然間意識到房間竟然亂到不行，非常懷疑自己怎麼能在這樣的地方活著。

Mooney: So mom, it's not my fault. Just ignore my room when you're cleaning the house.

(4) 拜拜的時間變多，希望口試時遇到好人。

Mooney: Pray to God!

(5) 開始思考未來該怎麼辦？懷疑自己根本不適合學術圈，並嘗試詢問雞排店以及飲料吧的加盟辦法。

Mooney: Cindy, let's be partners.

(6) 開始煩惱該花多少錢印論文。

Mooney: It wouldn't be as costly as my teeth...

(7) 對於自己曾經堅持把一部無聊的連續劇從頭看到完，驚訝不已。

Mooney: Does CSI count?

(8) 忽然間想起另一半的存在，不過，另一半可能已經不見了。

Mooney: no comment.

(9) 覺得很對不起「樹木」。


病癒：
口試通過，拿到畢業證書後的後遺症，延續期間不定。


症狀：

(1) 有一大段時間無法閱讀「文字」。

Mooney: Chinese or English?

(2) 嚴重退化到無法想像的地步，可能是國中，可能是小學，可能是奶娃。


(3) 開始動手整理房間，可能還會找到寫論文時一直找不到的資料，但是通通來不及了。

Mooney: That's the most I'm afraid of...

(4) 一段時間的狂玩，狂吃，狂睡，除了當豬之外，沒別的志願。

Mooney: I prefer to be a dog like Bagel...

(5) 煩惱畢業即失業的問題。

Happy Children's day

Even there's no more day off on 4/4 here, but since I'm always a kid to my parents. I potentially asked for a gift from my mom. After asked my mom to buy me the gift for me, it reminded me that Mother's day is coming soon. When I was still young, I was so generous to buy my mom anything. I would save more than 10000NTD to just buy a gift or go out for a meal by not spending money on eating. But now, I had no idea what I should buy her. And actually I don't want and I don't have too much money for a mother's day gift now. Maybe helping my mom doing housework for one week would be the best gift for her. But then she would never be satisfied with me doing the housework. There's always something she could complain, there's always Bagel's hair on the floor she could see that I couldn't. I guess I'm just not careful enough. My mom doubts if I could do the jobs in hotels well since she thought I'm a dirty girl then how could I clean the room or serve guests. Well... I believe that although she's always complaining I'm too old, in her deep heart, I'm still her dirty little girl.
Ahh, forgot to phone my dad and ask for a Children's day present from him. But maybe he would just buy some weird Vietnamese decorations which I've got a lot from him everytime he's back from Vietnan. So maybe it's good that I didn't remind him today, so that I can keep my room from being too Vietnamese style...