Hurting a person and being hurt

When I just felt that I'm hurt, I was actually told that I'm hurting somebody else too.
C'est la vie, there's always one after the other, one chasing the other, one likes the other more.
I really don't know if I've made the right decision or not. I really don't know what I'm doing now is right or wrong. I really don't know what my family told me is right or wrong. I always believe what I see and feel. but sometimes, things are totally different than you thought or you have believed. And this time, I really don't know the meaning of the signs that God gave me.
Be patient, be patient and be patient. I always tell myself that. I feel like I'm just being too nice so that I was hurt and also hurting the other person.

And all of these remind me the first time I've ever been badly hurt. I didn't cry. I didn't blame the person, I blamed myself that didn't keep my eyes opened instead. I still talked to the person. I still pretened that nothing has happened between us and are still good friends. But when I saw the new G;s pic, I was evilly thinking that I'm much better, that's your lose. I was so surprised that I was already beyond the hurt that I didn't feel hurt at all. I thought I'd feel so depressed that could not believe anyone else anymore. That's the reason I like being only friends rather than deeper. People said that the first person you've ever like is always the most unforgetable,. I don't know if you can apply this to everyone. But not for me. I feel glad instead since I have the confidence that I'm the best. Not how I look but my personality. But like someone or dislike someone is the matter of feeling, nobody can explain anything.
I really don't know what I want now. Maybe a change would do you good, but sounds risky too. What I've done then would all be a waste. But on the other hand, no one would be hurt.
Now, I'm still not brave and independent enough. I feel like holding Bagel now.
I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. Sorry... if you feel frustrated, I'm sorry...

I feel like going back to the highschool's DaChun now. I miss you girls...
I guess I should read more God's words now...

Happy Chinese New Year of Pig

Many of my friends here belong to the year of pig eventhough most of them didn't aware that it's their year. However, all of them are not happy with that. I was always so happy when it's my year. I felt that I'd be extremely lucky in that year even though the elders would say that when it's your year, you'd be extremely unlucky and you need to go to the temple to do something to get rid of your unlucky. Well, but so far, I thought last year was quite nice for me.

When I told my Pig Friends that it's their year. At first, they asked what year is it, when I said they're the year of Pig, none of them were happy. "Why I'm the year of Pig?" When I had to spend a long time explaim all the story about the 12 animals haveing a contast, whenevery you're 12,24,36... it's your year, etc. Then they'd ask other people's year. One of a 'short' guy's the year of Tiger. Other guys said 'No way! how come he's the year of Tiger!?" I guess they still can't understand why there's an animal every year. My friends also wondering when this starts. Well, neither do I know when this starts, so I just said thousands and thousands years ago. Chinese culture, you know started from thousands and thousands years ago. And then my friends wondered why there's no year of a fruit. And when I told them our manager's the year of dragon, they said that he might be the year of watermelon. I don't know why they came up with 'watermelon' instead of other kinds of fruit. And even though I like watermelon, 'Year of Watermelon' sounds silly. So, I guess I'll take this year as the year of watermelon.

Happy Chinese New Year- the Year of Watermelon to everyone.